10-step
program to make your roommate move out.
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate.
Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then
bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn't
belong.”
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an
elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with
concern.
Draw a
tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “The hair, it's growing. Growing!”
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and
mutter, “Soon, soon...”
6) Collect hundreds of pens and
pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, “I've got an important message for you.” Then
pretend to
faint. When you
recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, “Oh, yeah, I remember!”
Pretend to
faint again.
Keep this up for
several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out,
glue your shoes to the
ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and
moan.
3) Make a
sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor.
Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, “Hey,
where the heck is my sandwich!?” Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in
yell, “
Hooray! You're back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn't you be going somewhere?”
1) Talk back to your
Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act
offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them
suffer.”
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